September 1st, 2007 (12:08 pm)
Current Mood: happy
Current Song: Left Behind from Spring Awakening
Last week, after hearing about a stage production of The Great Gatsby, I stated that I'd be posting more often about plays and stage adaptations of books, and hinted that I had some exciting news. Thank you for the curious and supportive comments and emails. Between those notes and the gentle nudges of my fellow cast members, I've summoned up the courage to post something personal now.
Those of you who read this blog but do not know me in real life may only associate me with books and reading. You may know that I'm a bookseller and a journalist. You may not know that I'm an actress, a singer, a dancer, and a writer. All of these things relate to storytelling and communicating. Ever since I can remember - and my earliest memory takes place when I was two years old - I have loved telling stories. Not lying, but imagining, creating, sharing, directing, writing, reading books, and, most of all, performing.
I'm lucky because I've known since childhood what I wanted to do with my life. Rumor has it I came out of the womb talking, singing, and dancing, and I haven't stopped since. I've always loved performing. I've always loved writing stories, plays, scripts, and songs. I write something new every day - though typically it's just in my head, and I really ought to make a habit of putting it all on paper or typing it up - and I'd much rather sing and dance through the streets than walk along in silence, even if I'm by myself. I'm constantly thinking, constantly creating or re-envisioning something.
I promised my cats that they would be in every movie or a TV show I wrote, and that they could watch themselves on screen. I knew they couldn't be in my plays because Twinkie would see the audience as a threat to her human, Holly would wander offstage to get petted by a kind stranger or lick something shiny, and Spooky would hide. I wish like crazy that I had had a camcorder, because now I don't have any moving pictures featuring my cats. Not one. Only flat photographs and memories both painful and joyful.
I've always pursued my performance interests, though not always to the degree I should due to different factors such as time and money. As a kid, I couldn't exactly jump on a plane and go to Los Angeles or New York to audition for something. I was busy with school and then I was busy with work. I was so intent on being good, safe, and stable. I still am.
This past year, I took care of Holly, and I don't regret one minute of it. It was hard enough leaving her alone all day while I was at work, so I did not want to be gone all night at rehearsals or filming, to put my dreams ahead of her needs. There was no way I was going to do that.
It was, at times, hurtful when people said, "Why are you staying home instead of going on auditions?" Didn't they understand that she needed medical attention on a daily basis? This was especially true this past spring. Wouldn't they do the same for their loved ones? If people pooh-poohed my efforts and dismissed her as "just a cat," I would ask them how they would feel if it was their child or their friend. If they said, "That's different," then I knew they didn't get it and they never would.
After I lost Holly in April, I had to tell myself (and listen to others who told me) that it was okay to get back out there, to go to auditions and rehearsals and shows rather than stay home every night. I thought of everyone who would be watching me in the audience, even if they were no longer with me, even if they were four-legged.
In late June, I re-subscribed to casting notices and updated my resume. A week later, I had an audition and got a part in a play. The day before that play opened, I was offered another role in another play. Perhaps things do sometimes happen when and as they should.
Despite my being so invested in these shows, I was reluctant to post about them at this blog. I rarely post about my personal life here. Bildungsroman is for books, for other people, not for me. I reveal very little about myself on the internet because I value my privacy, but if you know me in real life, you'll see the heart I wear on my sleeve.
The first play I mentioned is closing this weekend. Shortly after the cast was finalized, we began rehearsing almost every weeknight in July. We opened the first weekend in August. Three days before we opened, I became the stage manager as well. We've had a good run this past month, and I've had a lot of fun. I hope that tonight's show goes extremely well, and that tomorrow's matinée ends things on a high note. I thank those of you who have come to see the show. If you care to attend the final performances this weekend, tell me now so we can get you tickets!
The second play has been rehearsing for a month now, yet I still can't believe I was cast in it. Talking myself into auditioning for this show was a very challenging, very personal experience for me, and that's a story I won't be sharing here - not just yet, anyway. For now, I'll simply say that I saw it as a test for myself. I dipped my toe in the water, and someone invited me to swim. Even if I hadn't gotten this role, I think that all that I went through beforehand was worth it. However, now that I have it, that's being further proved. New tests have been presenting themselves at every single rehearsal, and I couldn't be happier about that. I love a good challenge. I'm nothing if not determined.
So what am I doing?
The first play is The Hollow, the play based on the Agatha Christie novel.
The second is Spring Awakening, the play that inspired the Tony Award-winning musical.
Yes, you read that correctly. Now you know why I'm on top of the world right now.
I really enjoy the view from here.
